My daughters are 7 and 4. Right now, they’re at ages where they still want to talk to me, and for reasons unknown, might think I am cool. I’d like to keep things this way for as long as I can, but we all know how fleeting time is. Hazel, my oldest daughter, started elementary school this year and is exposed to the world of The Big Kids for the first time. She is freakishly observant and loves to study the way the fourth and fifth graders interact with each other. When these observations make their way home and into our discussions with her, they often make the natural progression to the inevitable end game: How old will I be when I get an iPhone?
We are still years away from handing our kid her first iPhone. I think. Well, right now, there’s no reasonable need for her to have one. We take her to all of her activities, and school is within walking distance to our house. At home, she uses one of our old iPads, which she mostly plays art games on over the weekends or after dinner if she finishes her homework. We limit her access to YouTube and the internet. As you can imagine, I spend a lot of time online. I know what’s out there, and even if the memes are dank, she isn’t ready for all that comes with them.
But I do find this topic coming up more and more at dinners and social events, and I’ve been taking mental notes on what other people’s policies are in hopes they’ll help us figure out ours. We have friends with older kids who have already taken the plunge and others who are holding out–to their kids’ dismay–until the last possible moment that would be practical or socially acceptable. I don’t know who is right or who is wrong. It kind of seems like there’s good people on both sides.
I thought it would be interesting to ask some of my internet and IRL friends what their thoughts are on the subject. Some of them have little kids and weighed in theoretically, and others have already been through it. Their answers are even more enlightening than I had hoped for.
For the benefit of This Is The Top readers everywhere: when is the right time to give your kid a cell phone?
Morgan Housel, Author of The Psychology of Money
Our seven-year-old son has an iPhone that doesn't have a SIM card. He mostly uses it to watch YouTube videos, and he's always around us when he does. The cool thing about starting kids with an unconnected smartphone is how tech savvy he is from a young age. He knows his way around an iPhone better than most adults. I think that's great. When would we give him a SIM card and let him use the phone for anything he wants? Man, that's hard. I know 10 year olds who are extremely responsible and grown men who can't handle the dopamine rush of social media. So, I think it's case-by-case. I have a feeling around age 13 or so you start to become an outcast in school if you don't have a phone–a real sense of social FOMO.
Shannon Saccocia, Chief Investment Officer at SVB Private
We gave our kid a cell phone at 12, when he went to middle school. Although we wanted to wait until he was a little older, we saw that we were comfortable with him having more independence and that it would be easier for us and for him to keep in touch with us if he had one. While he was the last one of his friend group to get one, that factored in less than having him prove to us that he could be responsible both with the phone and with his activity on it.
Sahil Bloom, Writer and General Partner at SRB Ventures
I’d say 6th grade. So, what is that, about 12-13 years old? They should be old enough that they aren’t getting obsessed with their phone when they should be out playing with friends outside, but young enough that they aren’t the odd-duck without a phone in middle school when I assume all of their friends will have them.
Diane King Hall, Former CBS MoneyWatch Correspondent
At 18. Just kidding! I told my son he could get one at age 12 because that’s when his favorite big cousin got his phone. He asked repeatedly at age 6. I said no and he finally stopped asking at age 7. I do know times are constantly changing and my niece got hers much earlier. So we shall see how long I truly hold out!
Josh Brown, CEO of Ritholtz Wealth Management
At 6 or 7 years old every kid in town had an iPhone handed down from mom or dad. They all have the Life360 app and we basically use them as tracking devices. The kids were doing dozens of activities all week, from sports to tutoring to dancing to playdates. Pickups, drop-offs, carpools, buses - the pace of life these days practically requires moms and dads to have a way to contact their kids.
Perth Tolle, Founder of Life + Liberty Indexes
We gave our daughter her first real phone–meaning a phone with a data plan–at age 11. She previously had an iPod touch, which she could text or talk with using WiFi. Social media is currently not allowed! She uses her phone like I used AOL (lol), mostly for group chats.
Scott G., My Neighbor and Finance Bro
We got our daughter a cell phone at the age of 10 because we felt that she was mature enough to deal with the responsibilities that come with having a phone. Additionally, we thought it would be a great tool for social interactions with her local school friends as well as her camp friends who live in various towns across the tri-state area. We limit her screen time and have various parental controls on her phone and apps to make sure it’s safe for her to use. It’s great to keep tabs on her and be able to reach her whenever she is not with us. There have been significantly more positives than negatives since she got her phone a couple of months ago.
Trung Phan, Bearly AI Founder and Twitter Addict
Man, I chat with my wife about this all the time. We’re kind of settling on 13 years old. Get them into high school if we’re lucky. I KNOW what’s on the internet and how addicted I am, so I’m in no hurry to subject my kid to it. Today, he gets like 30 minutes of video time max. We also got him hooked on LEGOs, which helps. But yeah, I think age 13 is the earliest. Although, that may be hard if all his friends get one. Parents, we need to be strong!
My Mom, Retired Elementary School Teacher and Certified Boomer
When I was teaching, students brought cell phones to school. However, they had to keep it in their backpack during the school day. The “walkers” (students that walked home from school) would talk to their parents until they arrived home safely. Given that perspective, I would get my child a cell phone no earlier than age 7. I also view a cell phone as another educational tool. It helps with eye hand coordination, writing, math, and research skills. It also provides security in case of an emergency.
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I was hoping that after writing this newsletter I’d have all the answers. Unfortunately, I do not. While there seems to be some consensus around giving kids a cell phone during middle school, it’s clearly a very personal decision. One common thread, however, is the use of parental controls and supervision regardless of when kids receive their cell phones. Of course, keeping our kids safe is the number one goal. I particularly enjoyed seeing everyone’s general appreciation for technology and the acknowledgement that the sooner kids can handle it, the better off they might be down the road.
With all that said. I’ve got a vintage Nokia flip phone waiting for my daughter when she’s ready. She’s going to love playing snake and texting her friends the old-fashioned way. Right?
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