I just said yes

We evolve and grow through change, not systems.

I guess you could say I am a creature of habit. Throughout my life, when I find a system that works for me, I lean in hard. In high school, for example, I wore nothing but horizontally striped Polo shirts and Abercrombie cargo shorts. In college, I graduated to Lacoste shirts and dropped the “cargo” from my shorts. Having a self-declared uniform gave me the assurance to not worry about what I looked like and the confidence to start new relationships. Why try something new when you’re doing something that works?

My taste has improved since then but the theory stuck. During peak pandemic, I coped by posting jokes and memes on Twitter to seek refuge from the depressing reality all around us. Ironically, my coping mechanism converted to exposure and then business. Thus, it’s hard to find a reason to stop. I implement systems when it comes to my downtime, too. Even though I’m a social creature, I cherish the chill. Religiously, Heather and I spend Friday nights placing the same order from our favorite sushi spot, sharing a bottle of sake, and watching TV. When anything throws our Friday nights off kilter, I’m outwardly disappointed–even a little rude about it. 

The problem with these systems, however, is that they enable me to say “no” too often. They give me a false sense of security and defensive armor against trying something new. Heather will be the first to tell me I’m missing the boat on a new content strategy, but I love reminding her how well I know what works, which might be true, until it isn’t. My style gets played out. My content gets dull and repetitive. My chill turns to boredom. Gains start to fade, and I’m more uncomfortable than when I started. Everything, eventually, provides diminished returns. 

Lately, I’ve had an even harder time making changes to these constants. I am still crawling out of my literal and figurative basement office into the world above, but it would be a copout to blame my hesitancy on the pandemic. Much has to do with the phase of life I’m in. With our children getting older and the business growing, our responsibilities have, too. The kids are in two different schools, five different extracurricular activities, endless birthdays and events. Our work week is packed with client meetings, consultations, media and networking opportunities. How is there room to evolve with everything around us constantly moving?  

In what was likely my first “yes” moment in a while, Heather and I flew to Florida last month for my childhood friend’s wedding. We ended up turning our weekend away into a bit of a business retreat, which tends to happen when you work with your spouse. She came for my systems, and I don’t blame her–she’s one of the only people who can break them. In committing to abolish as many of these systems as I can, we: outlined measurable goals for the year; reconfigured my schedule ways that align with how I do my best work; agreed to be open to new opportunities even if they cause me temporary discomfort; promised to have more fun. 

Not long after our trip, I was invited to see a friend headline an EDM show on a Friday night in Brooklyn. Before, this would have been one of the easiest things for me to skip. My old systems would never comprehend staying up until 5 a.m. when I could be eating sushi from the comfort of our couch and going to bed. But that’s also kind of crazy, because I absolutely love electronic music and used to attend shows all the time when we lived in the city. So instead of declining, I made good on my promise. I just said yes. 

This is where I tell you that I had one of my greatest nights in recent memory. Heather will tell you the same, and it’s not just because we partied our faces off until the sun came up, which we absolutely did (and we absolutely paid for with our kids the next day). We got to be in the room. We met important people. We reaped the rewards of saying yes.  

Systems are important to building something durable. But to keep growing (and enjoying, and thriving, and living), you might need to tear things down, even in the face of risk. Even if it’s uncomfortable. I wish I could show you all the ways saying “yes” is paying off in just six weeks, but I have a feeling you’ll see for yourself.

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Likes

Burn the Boats by Matt Higgins - My friend Matt wrote an incredible book on how to achieve success by adopting a “no Plan B” mindset. I must admit, the thought gave me anxiety at first, but as a got deeper into the book, I realized I was being provided a detailed guide on how to fully lean into my goals by leaving my doubts and fears behind. Matt’s story is simply incredible and worth the read.

Trade Joe’s Mochi - I am not a big sweets guy, but every now and then, I come across a nighttime treat I can’t get enough of. Enter Trader Joe’s Mochi. I am not sure how they do it, but they’ve managed to stuff decadent ice cream inside a super chewy and delicious rice pouch. Every flavor is a hit, but vanilla and green tea are the standouts.

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